A few nights earlier, I had received a sign from God testifying His love for mankind. A physical manifestation that anyone could have seen if they were there. I knew God heard me, and I knew God loved me, He had already proven that, Gods Love But, my life was still full of turmoil, and anger. I was still out get answers, and this was personal, between me and God.

My life was in turmoil. I was in the middle of a Biblical Job (Jobe) experience which had been going on for over a year. During this time I watched, kicking and screaming, while everything I had spent most of my life building, was taken away, or destroyed. I had finally been reduced to moving back home to live with my Father. By this time, all was already gone, and I was sure God had done it all.

This road was not unlike so many rural paved roads across Florida, except this is where I walked. Every night for months now, I come out here anytime after about 10 pm, depending on when I get home and walk. Here I am alone, away from intrusion from the world. Here I can allow my deep emotions, and thought to run unimpeded without fear of alarming others. Here is where I talked to God. I say talked to God, but yelled is closer to the truth.

I made it safely through the yard, across the circle driveway, and onto the road. Darkness surrounded me except for the little bit of light which had found its way down from the sliver of the first crescent moon and twinkling stars through openings in the stormy clouds overhead. A storm was in progress close by, as was normal for this season, and while it had rained here already, I knew there could be another outbreak any time. I hoped it would not be so, but at least tonight the mosquitoes were not as bad as they normally are.

I started my walk as usual and as I walked, I would start telling God all about my life at this time. I would just talk, anything that came to mind, and make sure He knew how displeased I was with His creation, the world. I was focused more on my thoughts than on what I was actually saying, so at times words did not make sense, or the subject would change between thoughts. Usually, after a while I would slow down, the raging anger and fear of life would lessen, as if the floodgates of a mighty dam had been opened and the pressure held behind it had changed from a fearsome turret of water fleeing in all directions willing to consume anything in its path, to a more controllable flow, confined by the banks which were intended to safely direct and guide its flow.

Hour after hour this would continue. Many times I would lay on the road and wish a car could come fast enough to end it all, but knew this was impossible. I would find myself laying down, head toward the centerline, feet touching the grass along the edge. Arms straight out at my sides, legs straight, and my feet crossed at the ankles. I would tell God over and over again, " I will do anything You want, if You will just tell me what it is. " Usually after several hours, I would collapse. Totally physically, mentally, and emotionally drained.

Then after a few moments, I would get up and walk back to the house and go to sleep. I always slept well, and was very thankful for that, but the next morning would start another day of stress and agony and mental torment I could never have imagined possible. Yes, this is how I lived my life at that time, and these are the patterns my nightly walk usually followed.

I said usually, because this night would turn out to be anything but usual, for me anyway. The events that had started days ago, along with what was about to happen would cause me to have to completely tear down my belief system and start again. Tonight was not the end of my grief and sorrow, which would get worse before it got better, but the beginning of a new phase, a new knowledge, a new hope. What you are about to read is not an exact quote of my words, but are the very words I was using at the time. Everything is true, and the details are as accurate as humanly possible. Also it is very much condensed.

"....Father I know You know our needs. I know You are aware of what is taking place, but why? Why do You just sit there and do nothing"? I know the Bible says we will not have to face anything greater than we are able to bear, but its wrong! This is too much. No-one should have to suffer this way. Nothing is worth all this", Lightning flashes off in the not to distant storm, and a few seconds later I hear the thunder and continue. "Look there! Another waste of energy, why don't You just hit me with lightning? Why don't You just strike me dead and get it over with? What joy or humor do You get watching us suffer? I know I have sinned, I know I am not perfect, I know that I am not innocent, but to have You purposely set out to destroy me, where is the challenge? What do You get out of it? You said You love us, you gave me a sign the other night to prove it, but this is not love. This is cruelty, and inhumane. I cannot fight You and win, so why do You attack me"?

"All I have worked for , gone! All I have prayed for, destroyed. My family, my business, my home, and all because of others lies. I did what was fair, I never lied, I was honest in everything, but still I am persecuted and made to pay for things I should not have to. These things are not my fault, and no man could cause all this. No human anywhere could make everything go wrong at every level of my life at the same time. Only You could be behind this, not Satan, You. I know Job of the Bible, I know what he suffered, and supposedly why he was made to suffer that way, but I am not Job!! I will never be in the Bible ! I am not anything and will probably never be anything! So why me?

" All I have left is my daughter, and now she suffers with me! Is that fair? Everything is gone, my store is gone, oh sure it is still there, but there is nothing in it! The state took everything! No-one benefited, no one! I worked so hard, and now it's all gone, everything, gone. Oh Father why did You take it all from me huh? Tell me! Why ?"

("Because I gave it to you!") "I know you gave it to ... "! At this moment, I was aware that my mouth had just spoken words I did not speak. I felt my mouth say them, and I heard them, but my mind did not think or try to speak them. Puzzled and still very much angry, I continued without more than a seconds pause. "

"Oh cute ! Real cute. Ok, so why did you do it ? Why did You take it all away from me? Why did it all have to be destroyed, why couldn't someone have benefited from it ?"

I had stopped, and was facing the low lying wetlands area to the east of the road. Then right there, in front of me, I saw a small movie screen appear. It was bright white light, about 3 feet wide and 2 feet high. It appeared to be about 10 feet away, but I knew it was actually in my head. If there was someone standing with me, they most likely would not have seen it. On this screen was a small outhouse, (old time toilet). A single seater like the ones in the Lil Abner comic strips I had seen in our Sunday Newspaper years ago. The outhouse was about 6 inches tall and 2 inches square. The door was falling off it's hinges and the clabbered boards were loose and there were large gaps where the boards had slipped to the side.

The from the left a bulldozer appeared on the screen. The blade on it was barely taller than the outhouse, and in comparison to the outhouse this was a real big bulldozer. A little cartoon character with a round head was driving it. As he drove forward he looked uncaringly at me then continued, as he pushed the outhouse off the screen to the right. Both bulldozer and outhouse disappeared, but only for a few seconds.

The bulldozer, was now backing up back onto the screen from which he had just left. I could see there was a rope attached to the front and he was dragging something attached to the other end of the rope. As I watched, silently, he continued until he had drawn completely onto the screen a large Southern style three story mansion. It filled most of the screen. It had vines growing up it's sides, and large columns reaching from the porch floor to the tremendously high ceiling. There was a set of very wide stone material steps, perhaps marble or granite of something like that, like you would expect to see in a public building, they were so wide. The bulldozer had disappeared now, and as I watched this vision, God spoke again.

("Sometimes what you have is not worth re-building. I tear it down and start again with a new foundation.") This time I heard a voice. Not like before, but a physical voice I heard inside. It was as if I had been hit in the side of my head by something, and I got this loud ringing sensation. Then I felt a voice, in the back of my head a little toward the left, not on the side, but higher than the top of my ear. The voice was mixed with the high pitched ringing, yet very masculine and low rumbly sounding at the same time. ( I know, but you try to explain what a voice feels and sounds like. It is not easy.) Now, I immediately knew what was meant by this vision, and God's meaning behind it, but I was still very hurt and angry, and I was not going to let Him get away that easily.

"So, You mean to tell me, that I have spent all my life being honest to people. Never purposely harming anyone, even when they deserved it. Always to do what I figured was right and going to church and being basically a nice person, and all I have amounted to is a single seater, dilapidated wore out old outhouse ?" I never got a reply, and accepted the silence as a definite yes answer.

That night was a long time ago, seems like several lifetimes ago. While many memories may have long since faded, the events of that night are as if it was yesterday. Oh, I am sure there may be many people with explanations of what happened to me that night, and why, but I do not question anymore what happened. I do not doubt but that I heard the voice of God.

Many would say that I had been Blessed, and I agree, but I was not through yet. From the time I saw God's sign to me a few nights ago, what had happened tonight, and for what was to continue for years to come, my understanding and viewpoint of life and God was going to change. God was going to become more personal, and the answers I had asked throughout a lifetime would no longer go unanswered.

God spoke to Job from out of a whirlwind, (Job 38:1) but He chose to speak to me the first time, just as He did to Balaam (Num. 22:28). Through the mouth of a jackass.